The Toronto Maple Leafs are very fun to watch right now.
With an 8-0-2 record in their last ten games, the Toronto Maple Leafs are currently the NHL’s hottest team.
In fact, the Leafs haven’t lost a game, in regulation, since November 11th.
2022 has been fantastic for the Leafs.
Their best player won the Hart Trophy, they are among the best teams in the NHL, and they outplayed Tampa in the playoffs to prove they were a “playoff team.” Sure, they ended up getting screwed over and losing, but at least know they know they are a Stanley Cup capable team.
But while 2022 was great for the Leafs, how was it at the movies? And what movies should Leafs fans be watching?
Movies for the Discerning Toronto Maple Leafs Fan
You couldn’t pay me to go to an actual theatre, but luckily you no longer have to put up with sticky floors and scary teenagers to see new movies.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of new movies are either made on the cheap by Netflix (with the exception of the time they let David Fincher make a movie, their original content is horrible) or happen to be sequels no one asked for, reboots no one asked for or super-hero movies (which have been run into the ground in the name of greed).
So to the Toronto Maple Leafs fan, here is a list of one-star crap I accidently watched so you don’t have to, but which you probably already did: The new Batman movie, Gray Man, Senior Year, The Adam Project, Dr. Strange and the Universe of Madness, Thor 7 (depressing and boring).
Those seven movies combine to earn seven stars out of a possible 35.
Boo!
I skipped The Man From Toronto but I feel confident enough from the preview to state that I would not like it if I watched it. Don’t pander to Canada, I don’t like it. I’m not watching a horrible movie just because you set it here.
Just based on the Witch and the Lighthouse, I’m guessing that one of the best movies of the year is the Northman, but I asked for it for Christmas and haven’t seen it yet (same goes for Nope). This is the Mikko Kokkonan of movies, one could say (but one should not).
The worst movie of the year was Top Gun Maverick. I do not like being sold on nostalgia, but I despise flag-waving, jingoistic, rah-rah movies with a passion. This movie did both. Admittedly, the last ten minutes of this movie were pretty awesome, but other than manipulated, this movie made me feel nothing. But it was an empty, aggressively disgusting film. The fact that it’s universally praised only makes it worse.
The best movie of the year (Auston Matthews) is Everything Everywhere All At Once . This movie stands with Mullholland Drive, Nashville, Back to the Future and Blade Runner as one of the best movies I have ever seen.
But then again, I think this movie has an inverse relationship to how sick of Ryan Reynolds you are. If you see him as a smug loser and an avatar for bad movies that a focus group probably liked a lot, you will love this movie. If original ideas have been bred out of your DNA, you might not. Let’s call it the Jack Campbell Principle.
Other Good Movies for the NHL Fan
Kimi was really good, so was See How They Run.
X, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Bullet Train, Licorice Pizza, and Black Phone were some of my other favorites.
I read through a bunch of best-ofs for this article, and it turns out that a lot of people really liked Top Gun. I think it must be a sickness. I don’t understand the acclaim of that movie. I could understand why people who liked Dr. Strange might like it, but I am clueless as to it’s critical standing.
If you hate sequels, reboots and superhero movies, and you also hate boring critically acclaimed crap, you probably have just as much trouble finding good movies to watch as I do.
Then again, a foolish consistency and all that, because I loved the new J-Park and I thought Mobius was at least interesting. The year for movies was so bad that even though I must have watched at least 100 movies from this year, I have to put them into my top ten:
10. Mobius
9. Jurassic Park 20
8. See How They Run
7. X
6. Bullet Train
5. Black Phone
4. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Kimi
2. Licorice Pizza
- Everything Everywhere All At Once
If you are a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, these are ten movies you might like. But then again, you might not. Some Toronto Maple Leafs fans don’t even like the director or several of the co-stars from their own team, so obviously we won’t all love the same movies.
Here is what I do know: If you are a terrible novelist masquerading as a hockey writer, who is too young for Gen x and too old to be a Millennial, and who became so disillusioned when Bruce Springsteen tried to sell him a car that he didn’t listen to “Tunnel of Love” for an entire year, it might be the list for you.