The Toronto Maple Leafs are off until next week.
The NHL All-Star game is this weekend, and while the news about the Toronto Maple Leafs never seems to stop (Muzzin back, Matthews injured), ten days is a long wait between games.
Are you as bored as I am waiting for All-Star Weekend to begin?
Unless GM Kyle Dubas decides to make a trade because we are soooo bored, I’ve decided to delve in Hollywood’s dark past to re-watch the worst hockey movies ever made.
The Worst Hockey Movies Ever Made
The Love Guru
This is a movie I was surprised to learn most fans haven’t heard of; especially because of its all star cast including Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake and director Mike Myers. Yes, these three made a movie revolving around the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’s a lowbrow comedy with slapstick jokes and bad accents. It was mind numbingly dumb with tropes that haven’t aged well (we get it, Verne Troyer is small).
The plot of the film revolves around a “Love Guru” being hired by the Toronto Maple Leafs to help them pursue the Stanley Cup. They can apparently only win the Cup if Leaf player Romany Malco back together with his wife (oh, how I wish it was that easy in real life!).
Score: A Hockey Musical
I remember my teacher showing us this movie in middle school, I don’t know why, and thinking it was bad even as a 12-year-old.
The films promotional posters described it as “Slap Shot meets Glee!” which is true if everyone on Glee couldn’t sing.
The movie is basically every young hockey fans dream; getting “discovered” playing street hockey, immediately making it to the CHL, and scoring in your début. However, in sharp contrast to another hockey film Goon, the protagonist Farley Gordon refuses to fight during a game.
Then we’re taken down a long and winding road of campy songs with bad lyrics, even with Olivia Newton-John and Marc Jordan in the cast. I mean the only positive is that at least in these hockey movies, the women get paid.
National Lampoon’s Pucked
The last movie on this list is still quite topical; Jon Bon Jovi attempts to finance a women’s hockey team.
With so much national attention being focused on women’s hockey today, this is an unfortunate blight. The female hockey players, including Glee’s Dot-Marie Jones, are hyper sexualized throughout the entire film which makes way for loads of lowbrow comedy.
These movies should keep you entertained until January 24 rolls around…or until Wes Mccauley referees another game.