Toronto Maple Leafs: Dumbest Narratives of the Summer

There have been many dumb narratives surrounding the Toronto Maple Leafs this summer.

Here are the ones I consider the dumbest.

Tavares Won’t Sign Due to Income Tax

Like all false narratives, hindsight does this one no favours.

Prior to the July 1^st deadline, the Leafs and Sharks broke free from the pack of Tavares suitors to emerge as the non-Islanders favourites. Both teams could offer the pending UFA an attractive landing spot, opting to rely on the hockey-related factors to influence his decision.

Toronto’s phenomenal young core spoke for themselves, presenting Tavares with future of sustained success on his hometown team. Nearly a decade of dragging around Gath Snow’s rent-a-player of the week is enough to gate on anybody, Tavares included. As a Leaf, he’d have the pick of the litter.

Mitch Marner or William Nylander? Kasperi Kapanen or Patrick Marleau? It’s a real Sophie’s choice.

San Jose, on the other hand, offered a more expedited window. With their core collectively flirting with age 30, the Sharks’ outlook wasn’t as expansive as Toronto’s. Then again, it came supported by a track record of postseason success which eludes the Leafs to this day.

Tavares would remain their #1 option, albeit in lieu of all the leadership, media, and branding demands brought forth by a fishbowl market.

And the tax benefits, of course. Can’t forget those.

The province of Ontario enforces some hefty rates on income tax, meaning, were Tavares to sign with Toronto, a large portion of his salary would never even reach his pocket.

Naturally, pundits took this narrative and ran with it, igniting a full week of scintillating provincial tax debate to kick off the summer’s hot stove. Let me tell ya, hockey really knows how to crank up the entertainment factor.

Then what happened?

Not only did Tavares eventually sign with the Leafs, he left money on the table to do it.

Quite frankly, I’m shocked. Flummoxed, even. It’s almost as if rich people have found ways to navigate around strict tax laws. I believe these are called, and forgive me if I’m wrong here; loopholes.

Anway, John Tavares is a Leaf, income tax isn’t as big of a factor in free agency as people think, and we can all look back on this at the Cup parade in July and laugh.

Matthews Doesn’t Want Tavares Because He’s Too Alpha

Boy, does this narrative ever highlight the fundamental misunderstanding certain individuals have of the athletes they cover.

Remember when Lanny McDonald finally won the Cup in his last season?

The guy was almost 40, clearly on his last legs and years removed from his time as an offensive focal point. Sure, Lanny had a hand in the victory, scoring the Flames’ second goal. But he wasn’t the star either. Teetering on retirement, the future Hall of Famer played second fiddle.

As Lanny strode forward to receive the Cup, like Captain Ahab reeling in the white whale, few could ever forget the dour scowl encompassing his face, triggered by his status as a mere supporting player.

It’s an iconic image, the peak of alpha male bravado which hockey men use as sustenance.

Wait, that didn’t happen? How can that be? I’ve always been led to believe hockey players care only for being at the centre of attention and nothing else. I mean, that’s why Evgeni Malkin’s arrival in Pittsburgh pissed off Sidney Crosby so much he skipped town soon after. That town ain’t big enough for the both of ‘em. Never was.

Wait. Hold the phone. You’re telling me that didn’t happen either? Everything I know is a lie.

Or, and just hear me out, maybe athletes want to win. Maybe it’s that simple.

Last I checked, Tavares didn’t line his childhood bed with dollar sign sheets, nor did Matthews grow up with the motivation of his face adorning billboards and magazine covers. When passing by a pickup game in the street, how many times do you hear kids exclaim,

“Scores! What a goal by the first line centre who is clearly the team’s top undisputed #1 option who accomplished this all by themselves!”

You don’t. Because kids don’t dream of signing brand deals. They dream of winning the damn Cup.

There are exceptions, of course, same as in any sample size.

Still, here emerges one of hockey culture’s many hypocrisies. Those who play this sport can’t be lauded for being low maintenance, ego-free good boys putting the team above all else and villanized as territorial alpha dogs with clout addictions simultaneously.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Inevitably, word of Matthews’ key role in actively recruiting Tavares began making the rounds, accompanied by a video where Matthews observes his new teammate practising for the first time, a look of unabashed affection projecting from his face.

The same look none of my immediate family members have ever directed at me.

https://twitter.com/MajorFancyPants/status/1021438051875262465

Folks, I think he’s happy.

Dubas Will Trade Nylander For D Help

“We can and we will”

Next question.

The Leafs are Screwed Without Lou Lamoriello

Look, did Lou Lamoriello leave an undoubtedly positive impact on the Leafs organization? Yes.

His rules are outdated, that’s for sure, but they still brought forth the culture reset which rescued the team from its prior status as a punchline. Being a “hockey man”, the mainstream media loved Lou, infatuated by his no-nonsense demeanour and penchant for always getting his way.

When the Leafs parted ways with their GM, as per the terms of his contract, outrage ensued.

“How could the Leafs rid themselves of such a distinguished professional?”, factions of media and fans roared in between breaks from cyberbullying Jake Gardiner for the better part of a month.

They’re doomed!

Hand-wringing hit supersonic levels in the weeks to come, reaching peak speeds upon the announcement of Kyle Dubas as Lou’s successor. Judging by the way certain individuals described the 32-year-old executive, you’d have thought Dubas was a toddler.

And so, here sit the Leafs. Empty handed and talent barren as the calendar reaches August, forced to watch the Islanders, Lou’s new team, embark upon a decade-spanning dynasty.

Hold on. *clutches earpiece*

I’m now getting word this report is patently false and, in a shocking twist, actually the complete opposite. Stand by for more.

Let’s compare the resumes of Dubas and Lou following the latter’s departure in May.

Dubas:

• Won the Calder Cup with a roster he built himself.
• Signed the biggest free agent in modern NHL history, poaching him from Lou in the process.
• Signed effective depth options to borderline league minimum deals to bolster his lineup.
• Let Roman Polak walk.

Lou:

• Lost out on Tavares.
• Lost out on DeHaan.
• Traded for Matt Martin, from the Leafs no less, with no salary retained.
• Signed Leo Komarov to a four-year deal.
• Gave Valtteri Filppula almost $3 million per year.
• Signed the legitimately insane Robin Lehner.
• Gave Ross Johnston, a 4^th line winger with 6 career points, a four-year deal for some reason.

Yeah man, the Leafs are screwed.

Dubas is the “Trade Down Guy”

Ok, he actually did trade down. This one’s legit.

Thanks for reading!