Maple Leafs: Lou Lamoriello’s Antiquated Rules are a Joke
By James Tanner
Toronto Maple Leafs general manager Lou Lamoriello is 74 years-old.
You would be excused for thinking that, based on his ridiculous rules when it comes to haircuts and beards, that he was actually 174. But no, he was not born in the 1800s and (as far as anyone knows) the Toronto Maple Leafs GM does actually know what the current year is.
This is embarrassing, and ironic.
Embarrassing because a rule against long hair and beards makes you look like a hyper-conservative, 100 + year-old insane person.
Ironic because instead of conveying a message of professionalism, it makes you look like a joke.
Hey, the Maple Leafs are building an exciting and potentially great team. But how about letting the players have some personality?
Hockey players, by the way, are universally famous for long hair and beards. This is like saying your team of fish can’t have any visible fins.
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It is insane to think that in the year 2017 that players have to have clean-shaven faces and close-cropped hair. The Simpsons famously skewered George Steinbrenner for having a similar rule……..IN 19 FREAKING 92.
It’s worth asking, but do the player’s wives get in trouble if they show up at the area and they are showing too much ankle?
Hard to Comprehend
It is unbelievable this is a real thing in today’s day and age. No other NHL team has such a stupid rule, and this rule accomplishes absolutely nothing, other than giving people something to make fun of the Leafs and Lamoriello for.
Well, it did make thousands of people to make the same lame joke about Joe Thornton’s beard when it was rumoured the Leafs were pursuing them. So it can be annoying in more ways than one, but what does it accomplish?
Nothing.
It’s incredibly stupid, it serves no purpose and it’s embarrassing.
Auston Matthews rocks a sweet bandana, and he should be allowed to let his locks flow like a real hockey player – if he wants to, which considering he is a hockey player, he probably does.
The only person benefiting from this ludicrous no-beards policy is Mitch Marner who doesn’t have to be shamed on a daily basis for his inability to grow one. Other than that, it’s actually pretty sad.
The rule is especially unfair to Nazem Kadri who risks getting kicked off the team if he goes even four hours without a quick shave.
In the end, this is, frankly, one of the stupidest things in the NHL.
It’s fun to joke about, but it’s actually really dumb. I’ve had long hair my entire life. My gramps has always mocked me, because he’s 90 – but people who didn’t grow up when racism and drunk driving were considered good ideas don’t care about people having long hair.
We’ve been piercing everything we can for decades – it honestly seems insane to care about stuff like facial hair and long, flowing locks.
Does Lou think Rock and Roll is the Devil’s Music? Is he still calling up other GMs with a rotary dial? Is there a problem with kids on his lawn?
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The Maple Leafs should, at the very least, usher their team into the 1970s. This rule has to go.