Unmasking the Toronto Maple Leafs as Professional Cat Burglars
At some point early in life, inevitably, the question is asked to everyone what they want to be when they grow up. Presumably, after each of the Toronto Maple Leafs said, "professional hockey player", they were then supported to chase and achieve that dream. Most kids don't profess to become renowned thieves, though some may have just missed their calling.
If the Toronto Maple Leafs hadn't chosen lacing up skates for a living, they each have the skills to have become the world's best gang of cat burglars.
Since everyone loves heist movies, its fun to imagine the Leafs players might be snatching Monet's and and swapping out priceless gems if they weren't playing hockey. With their skills and cunning intellect, they would make the world's best gang of high-end cat burglars. It's a good thing for everyone with valuables that hockey worked out for them.
For the first time, we'll uncover which Leafs player would make the best cat burglar, and of course, which one would probably fumble their way into the nearest local prison.
The Toronto Maple Leafs Bosses
The Backer: John "Money Bags" Tavares
If he wasn't the captain of the Maple Leafs, John Tavares would be putting his leadership skills to use, organizing teams for very high risk jobs. That takes both a great deal of planning and money. Everyone needs to know their role and equipping them with specialized tools and disguises isn't cheap.
Mastermind: Auston "Smooth Operator" Matthews
Every great heist needs a mastermind. Best of all, Auston Matthews isn't just able to oversee a big job, but roll up his sleeves and participate too.
If there's one player who could seamlessly slip through laser beams and avoid the gaze of security cameras, it's Matthews. With his silky-smooth moves on the ice, it's not a stretch to imagine him executing a heist with the grace of a feline prowler. The way he dekes through defenders could easily translate to dodging security systems. Plus, with that mustache, he's got a built-in disguise to be a world-class cat burglar.
There are heavy hitters on the Toronto Maple Leafs who can be counted on when things get hairy, whether it's on the ice or on a job.
The Heavy Hitters
The Distraction: William "Gekko" Nylander
William Nylander is the master of being exactly who the Toronto Maple Leafs need him to be.
Not every player can ride the subway through Toronto without being detected. Nylander has the skills to easily distract security guards with a well-timed joke or a spontaneous game of mini-sticks. Though his services don't come cheaply, he knows how to draw the attention of others in order to give way for his team to operate. With eyes on Nylander, his crew can achieve their ultimate goal, be it scoring in the NHL or swiping centuries old pearls.
The Hacker: Matthew "Mousepad" Knies
With security systems operating in full form, getting in and out without being detected is nearly impossible. That's why having a young coder turned hacker on payroll pays dividends. Though he's just 21, Matthew Knies' online profile is that of a 86-year-old great grandmother who loves to crochet. He's the perfect person to oversee all the heist-based technology.
The Lookout: Jake "Wheels" Muzzin
Every great heist needs someone on the outside looking in, ensuring that any suspicions get diverted. Most importantly, when security or the police are present, Jake Muzzin, the lookout, signals his team to let them know that it's time to flee.
Even with a bad back, Muzzin is able to let his crew know when the jig is up. The best part of being the lookout is that Muzzin could do double duty as the wheel man. When things get real hairy, the group needs to get away quickly. While he may not be flying down the ice right now, he could definitely peel out on the roads.
There are times where what's needed is an expert. Thankfully, this Maple Leafs team has no shortage of them.
The Experts in their Field
The Muscle: Ryan "Knuckles" Reaves
This may be the most obvious role of the entire squad. However, it's important to have an enforcer around, making everyone feel more comfortable, especially if the group runs into a rival. Reaves is tasked with protective services on the ice, why would it be any different when he's working to fleece millions at the Casino de Monte-Carlo in Monaco?
The Safe Cracker: Mitch "Mischief" Marner
There's no lock Mitch Marner can't pick. With his quick thinking and mischievous grin, Marner can take down even the most impenetrable safe. He taps into his hockey instincts. Marner knows how to find the weak spots and maneuver around obstacles. It's all about finesse and timing when it comes to breaking through defensemen or cracking a safe. Marner's also not afraid to break out the dynamite if there's a pesky vault he just can't get through.
The New Guy: Maxime Lajoie
Who is this guy and how did he get here?
The Bumbling Bandit: Joseph "Oops" Woll
Now, for the player who might struggle in the art of cat burglary, we have Joseph Woll. While his nimble athleticism on the ice is unquestionable, his 6'3", 203 lbs frame makes stealth quite challenging. He may not be towering over others like some Leafs alumni, but picture Woll trying to squeeze through an air vent or tiptoeing in a black turtleneck. That's why the gang keeps 5'10" Max Domi around.
A successful heist needs the right players. These are the unsung heroes.
The Unsung Heroes
The Acrobat: Max "Swiss Army Knife" Domi
Domi can do a little of everything, unlike his father. He's able to backup all of his teammates while also bringing some unique flavour, just like on the ice. He's also surprisingly comfortable squeezing into a box for hours on end delivering himself to the scene of a robbery, ready to strike at just the right time.
The Unlikely Sneak: Calle "Shadow" Järnkrok"
On the other hand, Calle Järnkrok might just surprise us all. With his calm demeanor and veteran savvy, Järnkrok could be the dark horse of the thieving operation. He'd be the guy you least expect, silently slipping away with the loot while everyone is distracted by the more flamboyant members of the squad.
The Inside Man: Morgan "Ghost" Rielly
Morgan Rielly has the ability to blend in with his surrounding, remaining in one place long enough for everyone to forget he could work elsewhere. For example, he's been with the Toronto Maple Leafs for 11 years. Rielly has the ability to ingrain himself for the long term, waiting for right payoff.
Over time, he's able to collect crucial information that he's able to report back to his crew. That includes security system details, access codes, and security guard schedules. The inside man's role is covert. The truth is, Rielly may be on a heist right now and we all just thought he was playing hockey.
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The Toronto Maple Leafs may not currently be Bonnie and Clyde, but they can sure transform into Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid anytime they choose.