Toronto Maple Leafs: What Is Actually a Good Trade for Mitch Marner?

There are a lot of Toronto Maple Leafs rumours and trade ideas floating around.

Since the Toronto Maple Leafs don’t play a game for about six months, and since there is no end to the appetite for Leafs news, expect hypothetical Mitch Marner trades to come up. 

A lot.

But what is a good Mitch Marner trade? I wrote several times already that I didn’t think there was one.  But I’m just one guy.

What do other people think?

For that we have to take to the streets to discuss it with the people who know best: waiters.

Toronto Maple Leafs: What Is a Good Trade for Mitch Marner?

To figure out what would be the best trade for a Mitch Marner, I hit up the Red Lobster.   My waitress was named Jan.  She has been working at the New Market Red Lobster since 1985.

I ordered an Ultimate Feast and then asked her up about the NHL.

When I asked her about trading Mitch Marner, she said the Leafs should trade him to the Jets for Mark S and Connor H, but that I shouldn’t ask her how to spell those guy’s names.

She said she knows that the Jets might consider this a lot, and that there would be salary cap implications that she didn’t wish to get into, but for her, that’s what it would take.

I was honestly shocked about the depth and quality of her answer.  I ordered a bonus plate of popcorn shrimp, and a second lobster.

I couldn’t move for at least an hour, so I was one of those customers that restaurants hate who just kept sitting there after the meal.

I asked the bus boy who the Leafs should get for Mitch Marner and he said he didn’t watch hockey and didn’t have a clue.  I asked a random lady on the way out and her husband gave me the stink eye, so I moved on.

My plan to hit up multiple restaurants to enquire about the viability of a Marner trade was a complete failure due to how much I ate at the Red Lobster.

I was only gonna get an app then go across the street to Kelseys, but I hate Kelseys, and I hadn’t had seafood in a long time so I just ended up eating way too many lobsters, plus like five of those dinner roll things they make there.

The next day I went out for breakfast though, and I asked my waiter at Denny’s what he thought about the possibility of a Mitch Marner trade.  He told me an obvious lie about serving Marner some bacon and eggs one day, but was elusive on the possibility of a trade.

When pressed, he suggested Connor McDavid. This jokester was no good to me, but when I asked to speak with the manager there was a lot of confusion and hostility. Eventually the manger told me that Marner couldn’t hack it in the playoffs and that the Leafs should trade him for a real player, like Lanny McDonald.

This wasn’t working at all, and I was out of money because I felt like I had to leave Carl at Denny’s an extra big tip due to the asking to speak to his manager confusion.

In the end, no one had changed my mind. Not even Jan at Red Lobster.  Mitch Marner was born a Toronto Maple Leafs player, and a Toronto Maple Leafs player he shall stay.  I wouldn’t trade him for a year’s supply tarter sauce, let alone another player.