Toronto Maple Leafs vs TB Game 6: Tonight’s the Night

The Toronto Maple Leafs are probably Neil Young’s favorite team.

Well, who knows if Neil Young even likes hockey, but his Dad wrote some books about the Toronto Maple Leafs (such as A Boy At the Leafs Camp, which rules) and his song Tonight’s the Night perfectly encapsulates the Leafs current situation.

As in: Tonight’s the Night that the Leafs finally defeat their demons and celebrate way too hard about going to the second round.

It would have been nice to do it on home ice, but it also would have been nice to do it three or four years ago.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Tonight’s the Night

Many people doubt the Leafs, and drive themselves crazy with angst and anxiety, but it’s just hockey.  If you have the ability to get upset over a game played by millionaires, things must be going pretty well for you in general.  Sports are great, but they’re just for fun.  The Leafs will win, almost certainly, but if they lose, don’t worry about it.

There is always game seven.  However, I am 50% confident that there won’t need to be a game seven. (that’s a joke, obviously, please don’t comment on my math skills!).

The thing is, the Leafs either have to win this series or fold the team.  Who is going to even be here next year if they lose? Mitch Marner and like ten guys you’ve never cheered for before, probably.

There is way too much pressure on the team to win, it’s stupid.  Circumstances have worked to make this game six of a first round series just about the most important game in the history of the nearly 100 year old team.

I mean, they can and probably will win if there’s a game seven, but I personally don’t want to deal with the storylines, the sportstalk radio or the blogs.  I just want to get it done, and on Monday night watch a movie instead.

Something relaxing, like Eraserhead, not something clausterphobic like a seventh game in the endless nightmare of Leafs playoff games.

I can’t take it.

So tonight, the Toronto Maple Leafs will be super relaxed, they’ll play their pre-game whale-sounds, arrange the dressing room so it’s fully Feng Shuied and then they’ll light scented candles, and do some deep breathing exercises, just as Justin Holl enters holding a boom box and cranking Slayer, probably.

What players play and what the lines are no longer concerns me. I’m watching hockey tonight from another plane – the one where the Leafs cruise to victory on the back of their seven properly deserved power-plays, the first goal of Matthew Knie’s career and the sounds of Hall and Oates playing in their heads.

Either way, tonight promises to be fun, as I either bath myself in merlot or flop sweat. Only time will tell.  But I desperately cling to the power of positive thinking and regret having fully given up my addiction to nicotine, if only for today.

Then again, I guarantee a victory and recommend everyone relax.  Nothing to worry about.  I’m just breathing into this paper bag because its cool.