Making the NHL News All About the Toronto Maple Leafs
By James Tanner
As you most likely already know, the Toronto Maple Leafs are the centre of the NHL universe.
If you’re a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, you must contend with the jealousy of all other NHL fans over the attention your team gets.
You must also learn to deal with the fact that the NHL will bend over backwards to make it look like they don’t favor their biggest cash cow, and all the calls will always go against them.
And every player on every other team is from here, so they all try extra hard when they come to play in Toronto.
I could go on, but I don’t need to. You know how things are. Here then, for your pleasure, is the NHL News of the week filtered through the only filter that matters: That of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Making the NHL News About the Toronto Maple Leafs
The Top Story: Former Leafs player and generally beloved NHL figure Bruce Boudreau was hung out to dry by the joke of an organization known as the Vancouver Canucks.
This embarrassing soap opera played out in part because the Canucks are run by the long-past-due-for retirement Jim Rutherford. The 73 year old Rutherford would be forced to retire in most other industries, and his current post is obviously too much for him to handle. This ex-legend has become a joke and his team is not only bad, but it’s down right unprofessional.
Technically, Rutherford isn’t the team’s GM (that would be Patrik Allvin) but he’s been in the NHL as a player or a manger for 50 years, has three cups, and a rookie isn’t calling the shots, no matter who has what title.
The NHL recycles the same guys over and over again, ad nauseum, and watching these guys sadly destroy their legacies is bad for everyone involved.
Lou Lamoriello, Ken Holland and Jim Rutherford are three legendary GMs whose teams would all be improved if they were replaced with any random fan.
How does this affect the Leafs? Well they were smart enough to fire Lamoriello, and go with someone whose ideas are new and fresh.
Up Next: Cole Caufield is out for the year. This sucks because I have him in my hockey pool, and because he’s just an exciting player to see on the highlights every other day. However, Montreal needs to lose as much as possible, so this could be seen as a lucky break.
Related: Gary says there is no tanking in the NHL. OK sure, and that short story I wrote last night is going into the New Yorker.
On the Block: Every player in the NHL is available, and the Toronto Maple Leafs are interested in all of them. Except Ivan Provorov, whom I am proud to say, the Leafs would never have interest in. The Leafs might not ever win, but at least they are an organization we can take pride in. It’s important that anyone who wants to be, can be a part of the hockey community. We do this by pointing out that most of us go out of our way to be inclusive and accepting, and if some people are stuck in the dark ages, that’s OK because they stick out like a sore thumb, now that most of us are not.
Next. If You Ignore the Entitled Whiners, Leafs very Successful. dark
Finally: The NHL All Star game is adding three new events. They will all involve referees. The first event will be which ref can improperly describe what he sees, the second will calling even-up penalties , and I’m not sure how that works. The third new event will see players assault Auston Matthews in a variety of ways, and whichever ref ignores him the most stylistically will get the prize. These are of course made up. The rest of the items, however, are true.