Reviewing the Toronto Maple Leafs Trade Deadline Performance
By Andrew Kogut
The 2021-2022 NHL trade deadline has come and gone quicker than an opposing NHL team can snatch a Toronto Maple Leafs player off of waivers (*sigh, we hardly knew you, Harri Sateri).
While there have been numerous sports articles analyzing the alleged “winners” and “losers” of the deadline, the reality of the situation is that none of these moves makes a lick of difference until the NHL playoffs are said and done (and giving grades for deadline deals is tantamount to reviewing a television series half an hour into the first episode).
But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with the deadline. It was a very interesting day, filled with barrages of picks tossed nonchalantly, quality prospects moved and talking heads shouting over each other for hours on end. No, there hasn’t been verbal assaults like this since a hungry Phil Kessel visited a closed hot-dog stand.
So in an effort to distance myself from the infallible “hot takes” permeating most of the grades and analysis pieces out there, I am going to take a completely arbitrary and absurd look at how some of the contenders in the East fared at the trade deadline.
Remember, each grade is based on a multitude of factors that are completely arbitrary, mostly absurd, and, perhaps, a little disturbing. Please enjoy!
TRADE DEADLINE REVIEW
Washington Capitals
OUT: Sprong, 3rd, 4th, 6th, mentioning anything Russian
IN: Johansson, Larsson, association with everything Swedish
Man, those are some Swede deals for the Caps! Johnansson can’t seem to get away from Washington; it’s almost as if he has Stockholm syndrome. Sadly the Capitals didn’t acquire a Swedish defenseman, but Carlson could be a potential Norse trophy candidate. Washington didn’t give too much up in either deal but it’s probably too early to krona them deadline champions.
FINAL SCORE:
On a scale of Swedish cities from lowest population (Karlshamn) to highest (Stockholm), the Washington Capitals score: Jonkoping
Boston Bruins
OUT: 1st, 2nd, 2nd, 5th, Moore, Vaakanainen, Senyshyn, Trevor Story (thumb booboo)- indefinite
IN: Lindholm, Curran, Brown, 7th,
Coming soon to Netflix, a gritty new cop series that will leave viewers on the edge of their seats: “Lindholm Is Where the Heart Is”
Young detective Hampus Lindholm transferred from a small department in Helsinborg, Sweden to the bustling Boston PD, on the trail of the man who stole his Swedish fish collection. Hampus is Hampured by feelings of homesickness, depression and crippling sugar withdrawals (what with his entire Swedish fish Armory now depleted).
In Boston he partners up with another fresh-faced detective, Charlie MacAvoy, and together the two cops, one by the book the other a total d-bag, learn to work together and, more importantly, learn the true meaning of friendship but, even more importantly, learn the true meaning of Christmas. Coming December 2022, airing right after Brad Marchand’s bird-watching camera show: “Cheep Shots.”
FINAL SCORE:
On a scale of real names that sounds fake on the Bruins current roster from Anton Blidh to Jesper Froden, the Boston Bruins score: Jack Studnicka