Booking an All-Toronto Maple Leafs Celebrity Boxing Card
The Toronto Maple Leafs have had a lot of fighters in their history. What would happen if some of them and others in the organization’s history squared off?
Celebrity boxing has become very popular recently. YouTubers, Logan and Jake Paul, helped propel it to the stratosphere. This new genre of combat sports has seen odd matchups that have piqued curiosity, such as the fight between former NBA player Lamar Odom and singer Aaron Carter. If the Toronto Maple Leafs were interested in putting together their own card, it would draw incredible interest.
Back when you were a child, you probably argued with friends about who would win hypothetical fights. Someone would ponder, “would Spider-Man beat The Incredible Hulk?” The next 20 minutes would be lost trying to book fictitious characters in hand-to-hand combat. The chances of an all Maple Leafs boxing event are about as slim as Nikita Kucherov putting a shirt on at any point this summer. However, we can still have fun going back to that old game of “who would win in a fight” but instead of pitting superheroes against each other, we will pick Maple Leafs members for friendly competition.
Since the Leafs aren’t going to do it, we will create our own hypothetical all-Leafs boxing card. The rules are simple. To be involved, someone just has to have worked with the organization in some capacity. All competition is friendly and precautions would be taken to ensure no one would be hurt.
Preliminary Matchup
Carlton The Bear vs David Ayers
Carlton The Bear is often seen entertaining the crowd at Leafs games and making children laugh. David Ayres turned the Leafs into a laughing stock.
Carlton is the anthropomorphic polar bear mascot of the Buds. He represents the fun that can be had watching Toronto Maple Leafs hockey. Ayres, through no fault of his own, became a symbol of Leafs failure. At 42-years-old, the Toronto Marlies’ Zamboni driver was inserted on an emergency basis for the Carolina Hurricanes to face the Leafs in a game on February 22, 2020.
This boxing match wouldn’t be close at all. Carlton has a height, weight, and reach advantage. Even though he’s a friendly bear, the bout would prove that there was still animosity over Ayres embarrassing his own organization. Carlton would win this one easily, mauling the backup to the backup goalie. The referee would have to step in early to pull Carlton off of the ice resurfacer.
The Grudge Match
Shayne Corson vs Alexander Mogilny (both men as they were in 2003)
The year 2003 was significant in Maple Leafs history. The team was decent, finishing fifth in the Eastern Conference setting them up to square off in the opening round of the playoffs with the fourth-place Philadelphia Flyers.
Things went as you’d expect. Toronto was defeated in the series in seven games but that’s not all they lost. The Leafs also saw Alexander Mogilny go down with a head injury in Game 3. Mogilny was the team’s best player at the time. Not having him in the lineup was devastating, especially since other important players were already sidelined with injuries. Nik Antropov had a broken foot, Travis Green had a rib cartilage fracture, and Doug Gilmour had a knee injury.
Even with all those hurt players, Shayne Corson was a healthy scratch in the playoffs. He was bitter about it and felt as though he was a distraction in an already divided dressing room. That’s why Corson decided to quit on his team. The hockey world was aghast at Corson’s mid-series resignation.
Corson blamed his defection on having anxiety and ulcerative colitis. Rumours were that Mogilny didn’t appreciate Corson quitting on the team.
Now, thanks to this boxing event, the 2003 version of both men have a chance to settle any animosity that may have existed at the time.
This match goes the distance with neither man besting the other. It doesn’t appear as though there is a clear winner. The judges agree and declare the match a draw. Unfortunately, the result doesn’t provide the closure that everyone involved was hoping for.
The Main Card
Light Heavyweight
Bobby Baun (in his prime) vs Rene Robert (in his prime)
Standing five-foot-nine, Bobby Baun had multiple runs playing defense for the Maple Leafs. In total, he played 14 seasons with the club. In 1956, Baun was 20 years old when he had the opportunity to play his first game. He weighed 175-pounds at the time.
Rene Robert, who is also five-foot-nine, isn’t as familiar a name as Baun but he spent three out of his 12 NHL seasons in Toronto. Robert was right-winger who broke into the league in 1970 and ended his career in 1982, both with the Leafs. He weighed just 165-pounds in his playing days.
This is an exciting bout from start to finish. Robert moves quickly and avoids the majority of Baun’s strikes. Things go south for Robert when Baun eventually connects on a big swing. He shows Robert why his nickname was “Boomer”. With the same degree of violence that Baun would crunch his opponents into the boards, his strong right overhand punch knocks Robert out cold.
Mixed Weight Class
Brendan Shanahan vs Kyle Dubas
Brendan Shanahan, the president and alternate governor for the Toronto Maple Leafs didn’t always wear a tie. Not only is he a Hall of Fame player but according to Hockey Fights, he has had 90 bouts in the NHL. He enters this contest as the clear favourite with both a height and weight advantage.
Kyle Dubas, the franchise’s general manager understands who he is up against and that he needs to use his strengths to shock the world. After studying all different forms of combat and reading several books on the topic, Dubas formulates the perfect plan. He uses a play out of professional wrestling to distract the referee.
Mitch Marner, who owes Dubas a favor for signing him to a $10,903,000 per year average salary, comes down to the ring immediately following the opening bell. The star forward tries to step between the ropes and into the ring. Confused, the referee hurries to stop Marner before he could get in. Marner, (almost like it’s a playoff game) doesn’t do anything before turning around to leave. However, Marner’s presence was enough to get the job done. With the referee’s back turned, Dubas knocks out Shanahan by hitting him with a scientific calculator. There’s no analytics for that.
The Main Event
Heavyweight
Wayne Simmonds (current age) vs Tie Domi (current age)
The crowd is electric for this match. Wayne Simmonds, the 32-year-old active winger is facing off with the retired 51-year enforcer, Tie Domi.
Simmonds stands six-foot-two, 185 pounds. He led the Leafs this past season in fighting majors with three. Simmonds has dropped his mitts many times over the span of his 13-year NHL career. The three-time Mark Messier NHL Leadership Award winner has had 64 fights in the league. He is four inches taller than Domi and 19 years younger making him the favourite in this contest.
Domi is five-foot-ten, 213 pounds. He is the NHL’s all-time leader in fighting majors. Through his 16 year playing career, he threw hands 270 times. 188 of those fights were in a Maple Leafs uniform. Domi was so well revered for his ability to keep opponents honest that he was even challenged in retirement to box Oscar-winning actor Mark Wahlberg in 2012.
Wahlberg did some trash talking while on his press tour in Toronto to promote the film “Broken City”. While it may have been a stunt to make the news, seeing as Domi and Wahlberg were good friends at the time, it did get people talking. That boxing match never happened but in 2018 during one of his son Max’s boxing sessions, Domi suggested he only needed one punch to take out Wahlberg.
One punch wouldn’t be enough to put away Simmonds. With these two going at it, there is concern over Domi fighting at his age. That worry would quickly dissipate seeing the former Comwave spokesperson both throw and eat punches. This is a brutal fight that goes the distance. With neither man coming off their feet, the decision gets left in the hands of the judges. Ultimately, Domi just barely edges out Simmonds on the scorecard but the real winner of the fight would be the crowd who got to witness it.
The Co-Main Event
Tiger Williams (in his prime) vs Wendel Clark (in his prime)
This would be one of the most anticipated bouts thanks to the antics at the weigh-in. Wendel Clark brought a hockey stick and rode it around immediately after his weight was announced at 180 pounds. It was meant to mock his opponent who famously did it to celebrate the goals he scored in the NHL. Unimpressed, David “Tiger” Williams kicked the stick out from under Clark prompting a large melee with both players’ entourages.
The former first overall pick from the 1985 draft knew what he was doing at the weigh-in, trying to play mind games with Williams. Knowing that Williams is the NHL’s all-time penalty minutes leader and not afraid to get dirty, Clark looked for any possible advantage. However, the climate cooled off before the event without any further incidents.
Clark has been in a lot of fights and nearly all of them while he was a member of the Maple Leafs. Clark dropped his mitts 108 times while with the club and had an additional eight tilts while playing for other teams. Williams has slightly more scraps as a Leaf. He was involved in just six more fights than Clark. However, playing with other teams, Williams has considerably more experience. He has fought 115 times whiles wearing other franchises’ sweaters.
Williams isn’t just familiar with throwing punches on the ice. He actually learned how to punch from his father who was both a painter at a mental hospital and a boxer. It was the skills from the latter job that was passed down to Williams and his five siblings. Most of them even won amateur boxing championships.
Though the crowd is firmly behind Clark, the odds are in Williams’ favour. Vegas bookmakers predicted the penalty minutes leader to win the fight though they didn’t take into account the precision Clark would have with his jabs.
Williams starts very aggressively but is forced to alter his strategy after eating a pair of hard right hands. The contest turns when Williams lands an uppercut immediately followed by a combo. It sends Clark to the mat but he recovers quickly. In the second round, Clark gets knocked down for a second time prompting his son, Kody, to throw in the towel.
The action signals the end of the fight with Williams coming out the victor. The crowd is clearly displeased with the result and begins to boo. What’s unclear is whether some of that anger is directed towards Kody because he is in the Washington Capitals system or if they wanted more carnage.
The arena falls silent as Wendel takes a microphone and addresses the crowd. He thanks his son for making the right decision, thanks everyone in attendance, and congratulates Williams. The two combatants hug and the audience gets on their feet and cheer these two hockey heroes.
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The event is a giant success. There may even be a sequel one day where the Leafs get some title belts in the mix. Look out for “The Blue and White Turn Black and Blue II”.