Toronto Maple Leafs Narrowly Avoid Most Hilarious Disaster Ever

The Toronto Maple Leafs are not a team for the faint of heart.

If you don’t cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but you want to know what it’s like, picture that famous scene from the Simpson’s “Cape Fear” episode where Sideshow Bob repeatedly steps on one rake after another, each one smashing him in the face harder than the one before.

The Leafs don’t just lose, they lose in the most gut-wrenching ways possible.

They don’t just bow out gracefully, they have to embarrasses themselves and their fans and anyone who has ever even thought about liking them in the process.

If the Toronto Maple Leafs Aren’t Cursed, How Do You Explain:

Here are some examples of the “Leafiest” things that have happened:

• Haven’t won or even played for a Stanley Cup since the NHL expanded beyond six teams.
• Haven’t even won a scoring title, or major award (Hart, Norris, Vezina, Conn Smythe) in this time.
• Traded away the draft pick  that became Robert Luongo.
• Let Boston choose between two goalies, one of whom never made the NHL and one of whom is going to be a first ballot Hall of Famer.
• Acquired a #1 overall draft pick, a player likely to become the best defenseman in their franchise history, while on the verge of contending for a Stanley Cup, and a freak accident blinded him in one eye.
• Their fans cheer for grinders and find excuses to hate all star players who don’t grind (Sundin, Kessel, Kaberle, Marner, Nylander).
• Blew a three goal lead in game seven of a series, only to lose in overtime.
• Despite competing for the Clarence Campbell Trophy for nearly 30 years, they never won it.  Their arch rival just won it by accident, despite technically never competing for it.
• The trading of a draft pick the year before once forced the nearly last place Leafs to bolster their roster to avoid the “embarrassment” of having traded the draft pick that would have cost them Eric Lindros.  In the end it only cost them Scott $$$$$$ Niedermayer.
• Recently became the only team in NHL history to come back from two multi-goal third period deficits in the same series and lose both games in overtime.
• Somehow lost to their arch rival this year despite getting better goaltending, defense, and penalty killing. Not to mention a 3-1 lead.
• Lost to the Blue Jackets in a series that saw the Blue Jackets set an NHL record for 5v5 save percentage in a playoff series.
• Almost won the Connor McDavid draft lottery, and at one point had the highest percentage chance to do so….did not do so.
•  Connor McDavid, Eric Lindros and Wayne Gretzky all happen to be from Toronto and (one assumes) grew up fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
• Famously had acquisition of a still awesome Wayne Gretzky nixed by idiot owner.
• Took four straight series to the limit and lost every time, something that is nearly a statistical impossibility, but yet happened to the Leafs.
• Have watched five of six other Canadian teams make the Stanley Cup Finals since the last time they made it.
• Have watched as expansion teams such as Ottawa, Florida, Anaheim, Tampa, Nashville, San Jose and Las Vegas have all played for the Stanley Cup.

But despite all these statistically unlikely events that have conspired to prevent the Toronto Maple Leafs from attaining success (or the hilarious ones that just embarrassed them) the team did avoid the Leafiest thing of all time last night:

A New York Islanders vs Montreal Canadiens Stanley Cup Final.

It’s bad enough to see the Canadiens make it, but to see the Islanders make it after essentially trading their best player, captain and 100% guaranteed future Hall of Famer John Tavares to the Leafs in exchange for a 97 year-old general manager would have been just too much.

The above list is hard enough to take, but I think that the Islanders making the Final would have just been unbearable.  If you read that list and don’t think the Leafs are cursed, a look into the moves Lou Lamoriello has made since joining the Islanders all but seals it.

Terrible trades, signings so bad they are hilarious, and worse cap troubles than the team he left are all the Hallmarks of Lou Lamoriello’s reign on the Island.  But, because of his past association with the Leafs, his team just keeps on winning.

The fact that the Lightning held on top win last night may be the single most significant sign that the Leafs curse is finally lifting.  I felt in my bones that a nightmare matchup of NYI vs MTL was going to haunt me all summer, and now that it didn’t happen I feel more optimistic about the Leafs than ever.