Toronto Maple Leafs Trade Deadline Options As Movie Endings

The Toronto Maple Leafs are busy gearing up for the April 12th Trade Deadline.

Nearly 30 years have passed since Scarborough native Mike Myers’ Wayne’s World hit theatres with a number one box office debut. The movie would ultimately rake in over120 million dollars and finish as the fifth-highest domestic grossing film that year (all figures from Box Office Mojo). So what exactly does that have to do with the Toronto Maple Leafs and the upcoming NHL trade deadline?

Myers’ love for the Leafs has never been understated and his method for ending his aforementioned movie (by shamelessly ripping off and mocking previously released, more popular movies) is a perfect filter to view the Leafs trade deadline possibilities through

. So on that note, let’s consider the Leafs  options:

THELMA AND LOUISE DEADLINE

Kyle Dubas (Davis) and Brendan Shanahan (Sarandon) sit in their 18-wheeler idling by the edge of the Grand Canyon while the rest of the NHL surrounds them, demanding Robertson, Amirov and two first round picks. Shanahan smiles, gives Dubas a reassuring nod and locks their hands together. “Just keep going,” he breathes, his eyes piercing directly into Kyle’s. The latter returns the nod and hits the gas, accelerating off the cliff into the abyss below. 

While all of the top prospects and picks are retained in this scenario, question marks regarding the top-6 LW, 3rd-line centre and goaltending positions remain. On the plus side, the sheer volume of the collective groan by disappointed Leaf fans might be enough to awake John Tavares from his two-year internal slumber that has caused him to maintain the same non-descript facial expression no matter the situation.

SCOOBY DOO DEADLINE

The Leafs fill the vacancy on their top line by sending a 2021 1st round pick and Pierre Engvall to Buffalo for Taylor Hall and $6.75 million in cap retention and then send a mid-round pick to Columbus for Michael Del Zotto to shore up the LD depth, while electing to ignore the bottom-6 centre and goaltending situation.

Dubas, thinking he has solved the ‘mystery of the unattainable playoff series victory’,’ congratulates his staff for their deadline work when suddenly Joe Thornton (Shaggy) walks in, dragging Frederik Andersen along behind him. Thornton rips off Andersen’s mask and, to everyone’s horror, Vesa Toskala peers back at them.

“I wanted to sink your goaltending numbers,” Toskala snarls, waving a finger at Dubas. “And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for Jumbo Joe!” 

The real Andersen returns and plays inspiring hockey until game seven of the 1st round, where he is victimized by soft goals culminating in another early playoff exit. And somewhere far off, in a galaxy far away, Justin Pogge and Andrew Raycroft are sharing a drink together. They smile and clink their glasses together.

RESERVOIR DOGS DEADLINE

Shanahan (Keitel) and Dubas (Roth) arrive at the deadline as exhausted, wounded men. The valuable haul swiped from the draft (Matthews, Marner, Nylander) and free agency (Tavares) has given them nothing but heartache and disappointment. 

Finding themselves surrounded; encroached upon by fans, opposing teams, general managers, hockey blogs, James Reimer’s mother; and finding no means of possible recourse, in nary a blink of an eye the bullets start flying. 

Amirov, Niemela, Kerfoot, Andersen and a 2021 1st are torpedoed into Anaheim for John Gibson and Rickard Rackell. A 2021 4th and 2022 3rd fly back into Anaheim for Ryan Getzlaf as Brazeau and a 2022 2nd are simultaneously jettisoned to Columbus for Nick Foligno. Kokkonen, Engvall and  a 2022 1st are the final casualties as they are shot into Nashville for Mattias Ekholm.

A frantic Dubas assesses the carnage while a compassionate Shanahan attempts to soothe his young GM. “It’s ok, they said you were over the cap, but I know you’re not over the cap. I’d know if someone was over the cap.” 

“Brendan,” Dubas starts, struggling to find the words. “Brendan….I’m over the cap.” 

The ensuing gunfire in the form of Liljegren and Sandin being plucked from the prospect sidelines to compensate for the amount of the remaining salary cap retention rings out as the deadline passes.