The Toronto Maple Leafs have had an interesting off-season so far.
Despite the fact that, under normal circumstances, the Toronto Maple Leafs would be about five or six games into a new season right now, I have to say that I’m enjoying the off-season so far.
By now, you know the deal: PLUS / MINUS is a useless, outdated stat that no one should be using in 2020, so we have appropriated it for everyone’s favorite weekly hockey column.
This week we tackle such polarizing topics as Lou Lamoriello, the recent movies I’ve seen, and, of course, the latest moves made by the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Toronto Maple Leafs: PLUS/MINUS
PLUS: Signing Joe Thornton. I didn’t think it was possible for the Leafs to make a universally loved move, but there you have it. 41 year old vet who is only absent from the Hall of Fame because he didn’t quit playing 4 years ago.
MINUS: The same move, for a worse player, cost $6.5 million dollars and a first round pick when Lamoriello tried it. Who knows, might have even cost the Leafs a Stanley Cup, because they probably beat Boston last year if Mike Babcock doesn’t deploy Patrick Marleau like a first liner instead of the fourth liner/ AHL player he was at the time.
MINUS: Referring to a series from two playoffs ago as “last year’ because I have lost all concept of time.
PLUS: Gary Bettman. One day a long time ago Bettman was cast as a villain. Much like a meme that predates the internet and involves Billy Idol, even Martin Cross probably couldn’t explain it.
All Bettman has ever done is oversee the improvement, expansion and safety of the NHL. What he pulled off over the summer should make him a folk hero.
The next time the Stanley Cup is awarded in front of fans, Gary Bettman deserves a forty-five minute standing ovation.
MINUS: I just realized the baseball playoffs are still going on.
PLUS: Lebron James has gone to the NBA Finals in nine of the last ten years, including eight in a row at one point. The Raptors won the only NBA Final that he didn’t play in in the last decade.
This blows my mind.
PLUS: Jojo Rabbit, which I watched last night is the best movie I’ve seen in ages. Probably the best movie I saw since Three Billboards (which Sam Rockwell was also in). Easily one of my favorite movies of all-time.
PLUS: Bought myself an electric guitar!
MINUS: Watching the Penguins waste the last years of Crosby and Malkin’s twilight with some of the worst moves the NHL has seen in years.
PLUS: Seeing Lamoriello trade Devon Toews – a top pairing defenseman – for two second rounders. The so-called GM of the Years just made a worse trade than Kyle Dubas has in his entire career, and, irony of ironies, he did it because he ruined his salary cap much the same way he damaged the Leafs’.
PLUS: Watched Monster Squad with the Kids this weekend, and that __ stands up. 80s kids movies had an edge that today’s kids movies are missing.
PLUS: The Leafs depth – 10 NHL Quality Defenseman and about seven lines worth of quality 4th liners – is really going to pay off in the upcoming season which may feature more back-to-backs and three-in-fours than usual.
PLUS: An All Canadian Division will be so advantageous to the Toronto Maple Leafs it won’t even be funny. There isn’t another team in the country even close to them, and while it will be boring to see the same teams over and over, it will be nice to see the Leafs out of a division with the NHL’s two best teams.
Of all the Canadian teams, only the Leafs are a contender.
MINUS: Max Domi for Josh Anderson is a trade so bad it is only topped by the preposterous contract Montreal then gave Anderson. A double transaction so bad I thought for a minute Lou Lamoriello had gone to Montreal.
I knew it wasn’t true though when they made up for it by signing Gallagher to such a team-friendly deal.
MINUS: Theo Fleury degenerating into the biggest embarrassment in the history of the NHL. I know a guy in real life who I used to look up to, who now watches Youtube all day and will seriously look you in the eye and tell you about Lizard People. It sucks.
PLUS: Run the Jewels. As if 2020 isn’t weird enough, the album of the year comes from two 40+ year old guys who are on their fourth album. It’s rare for any band to release their best record on album four, and even rarer for that band to be in their 40s.
If you don’t get chills when El-P travels to another dimension and says he comes from a place where “monsters eat truth” I don’t now what to tell you. It probably means you’re one of them.
MINUS: After reading the Adventures of Cavalier and Clay I may have had unrealistic expectations for the Yiddish Policeman’s Union, but regardless, it did not meet them. It wasn’t bad I guess, more like it was just whatever movie you watch after Blade Runner.
PLUS: T.J Brodie gives the Toronto Maple Leafs the best blue-line they’ve ever had, and one of the top blue-lines in the NHL.
PLUS: Recently, I was out in the garage when a delivery came. The UPS guy tripped in the driveway, almost lost his balance and dropped the package. I looked at him and said “HDS coming through,” to which he responded, “Sounds broken. I bet it was something nice though.”
And that was the highlight of my summer.
Thanks for reading and be excellent to each other.