Toronto Maple Leafs: Hard-To-Swallow Pills For Every NHL Fanbase

Atlantic Division

Boston Bruins: This is not about any of the Game 7’s, I’m just telling it like it is. The Bruins nourish a culture of developing “low-key dirty” players. And they get away with it because the league is in Jeremy Jacobs’ pocket. We all know it.

Buffalo Sabres: Do you really think anything is going to improve with the organization now that the Pegula’s “yes man” is the GM? Eichel’s probably gonna request a trade next season.

Detroit Red Wings: You didn’t get “screwed” at the Draft Lottery, but keep whining about it, it’s a good look, seriously.

Florida Panthers: I could get really venomous here for some personal reasons, but in the interest of keeping it light: The only reason this team with no fans hasn’t been relocated and re-branded as the Quebec Nordiques 2.0 is that they’re a tax write-off for the league.

Montreal Canadiens: Carey Price is in decline. He stopped being the best goalie in the league right around the time Auston Matthews made his appearance. And that contract is untradeable, so have fun in cap hell.

Ottawa Senators: Eugene Melnyk will not go quietly into the night. He’s here forever and he’ll definitely continue to refuse to pay his stars what they’re worth.

Tampa Bay Lightning: The rest of the league are never gonna let you live down getting swept by Colombus, or the team’s response to it.

That leaves us with just one more team.